Love is about more than romance

Yes, I was delayed in posting the next of harmful myths we tell about relationships because of [insert some really convincing reason that wasn’t “I couldn’t find the right words and TV is so good”].

Instead of Mars and Venus, I’d like to talk about the hierarchy of love. As I sit alone in a subletted apartment in a new city, unsurprisingly my thoughts turn to my comfort zone. How many times did people ask me why I would leave my husband for 12 weeks to take a job in a strange new place? Pretty much everyone I knew. A couple of my single friends also took on roles outside our home turf too, but while there were, for some, expressions of concern for very distant jobs, there didn’t seem to be the same questioning of motives, the same exhaling of their bravery to face the unknown. Continue reading “Love is about more than romance”

Love is about more than grand gestures

The media narrative on what constitutes a successful relationship has been so warped by society that I think real relationships are actively being harmed by it. People are choosing to stay in unhappy relationships or opting out of relationships altogether because they don’t know what a lasting commitment ought to look like.

Today, we begin to debunk them using my favorite medium, pop culture.

Originally, I intended to make this a single post, but I found SO MANY examples that infuriate me that I decided to split it up by theme.

Today? The concept of your significant other being your “other half”. Spoiler alert, they shouldn’t be.

Continue reading “Love is about more than grand gestures”

Is Netflix’s Daredevil sexist?

To be honest, I thought this was pretty cut and dry. In fact, I gave up on the show 20 minutes in because the sexist cliches were as overpowering and nauseating as a teenager using Axe body spray.

But time and distance cool heads. With the second season launched, I decided to give it another go, to see if I had judged a bit too early. Mostly, because I’d seen very little discussion of this subject online. People wax lyrically about female-led shows being this or that, but I think we assume too quickly that a show with a male protagonist will be sexist by default, and that lets a lot shows get away with a lot of short cuts that shouldn’t be acceptable in this day and age.

So – four days and two full seasons later, here is an analysis of the show with a feminist lens.

DISCLAIMER: There will be some very minor spoilers. Also, this isn’t about whether the show is GOOD or BAD, that topic has been covered thoroughly elsewhere.

Continue reading “Is Netflix’s Daredevil sexist?”

Where are the interracial relationships on TV?

As a devoted TV lover, I consume immensely unhealthy amounts of TV. In the past couple of years, I’ve been thrilled to see interracial couples appear on TV, especially when not even ten years ago Will Smith couldn’t bang a white woman on the silver screen because apparently audiences weren’t ready for it.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t been the awakening I’ve been hoping for. With a precious few exceptions, the majority of interracial couplings on TV are a stepping stone, temps, or ways of showing off how totally not racist a character is by introducing an ex that isn’t white.

Is that progress? Well, at least they’re showing up at all now, so that’s something. There are now couples like Captain Holt and Kevin on Brooklyn 99, Jane and Brad from Happy Endings, Jasmine and Crosby from Parenthood, even Ricky and Lucy from I Love Lucy.

Meanwhile, the majority still fall into the former category. People are fawning over Jessica Jones and Luke Cage (who make an awesome duo), but with Cage getting his own show, we know there is nothing long term in store for those 2. Then there are shows like Scandal and Community that will just rotate love interests as often as a pair of socks, so any pairing is temporary. Unsurprisingly, shows featuring people of colour prominently seem better able to manage the mind blowing possibility of people of different heritages finding common ground.

I guess my issue with this is the implicit insinuation that interracial relationships are a phase. The white girl brings home a black man to scare her parents type thing. As if it can never be the end game, just a stepping stone to the real deal when she grows up and marries an accountant of the same faith and skin colour.

I think this is what people mean about not seeing themselves on the screen. It’s a bit like being told by a close family member (and who doesn’t feel that way about TV?) that your choices are invalid, that who they are is invalid.

And that sucks, because love is colour blind.

Well, time for some re-watching.